my own closest enemy

"We will guard your heart with our lives"

hate bitch. fucking hate.
 I'm quite pissed actually. Although  I've had a great Christmas Day; an amazing day with the family, love all my presents and had loads of fun.
But then YOU, Faye fucking Harrison had to ruin it right? Girl, I hate you. End of.
 And theirs the fact that it's New Years on Wednesday? And I fucking hate that. It's the celebration - everyone's celebrating the coming of a new year, that means another year without Tony, Great Grandma and other loved ones. I hate trying to look happy and excited. I just hate it. And I always have (when I was younger, the count down to midnight fucking freaked me out). I'd rather sit around doing sit all and just think that it's just another day.


I really want to cry. But it'll ruin everyone's night.

 I had to update on the Ben thing, so I got a reply and they're not going out. Faye's just being a stupid bitch. :) So yeah that's a load off my mind.
I also wanted to update my story writing. I'm gunna post some links up somewhere.
So I haven't really been writing for the past few weeks and that's because I've had a bunch of school work to get on with and stuff, but I'm using the holidays to take time to start writing again and hopefully I'll get some new chapters written and posted on Mibba. :)
Okay so here's the link for Castaway - the Green Day fanfiction which seems to me, is the more active story at the moment: 
Castaway and this is my fantasy werewolf one  Fear 

Enjoy :)
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am sorry, another post. I totally forgot   Paramore waz da bomb on the 16th.  And how can I forget the fandabidozy You Me At Six?  They blew me away srsly. It was a night to remember, and to experience it all with my best friend? Wow. I heart you Megan aka Fayley aka Alice aka Zoey. I can honestly say I experienced my first moshpits. wahhoo.

iya.  Today has been awful - for many reasons. I feel like pouring my heart out right now so brace yourself. 

One reason, it the fact that it was Uncle Dave's funeral today. The reason why I haven't really mentioned anything about this is because I actually did not know him... I knew that someone in our family was suffering with cancer, and I knew he was somewhat close with the rest of my family (mainly mum, her sisters, Michael and Gran ect). I don't think I've ever met Uncle Dave. But that doesn't go to say that I shouldn't pay my respects for him. I didn't go the the funeral, Mum probably wouldn't have let me even if  wanted to go, but I've made sure to pray to him tonight along with Tony and Great-Grandma. </3  Which reminds me; it;s almost been another year. Another year without you. I want you to know that I think of you almost everyday - when I need you the most. I know your always with us, supporting us and watching out for us. I love you and miss you so much. 

And another reason, is mainly stupid teenager shit. I shall explain. You see, I've started talking to Ben again. And these feelings came back that I hoped never would, what I didn't realise is that the exact same thing was happening to Ben... he even admitted he "loved" again. I saved the whole conversation and showed it to Danielle (since we share boystuff with each other <3). He asked if he could love me in his own mind, whatever that means. So I had no idea what to reply ( I mean what are you supposed to reply to that?!) , so I put "Um sure I guess :)". We talked, and decided we didn't want to go back to that. But then, he and Faye fucking Harrison suddenly start to become friendly, and it's bugging me. I guess, I'm feeling a tad jealous. I suddenly don't know what I want. I guess I need to tell him this..  I sent him a facebook message asking what's going on. Hopefully I'll get a reply in the morning..? 
AHH This is really stupid isn't it?

I feel like those whiney teenagers in stupid american chick flicks. gr.

ello, ello. ello.

Well, I feel like I'm neglecting lj tbf. I haven't been posting as much as I used to, but thats because I've been so hooked up in school work and my laptop breaking down on me that I haven't had the time. And now I have my laptop back - I have everything I need in one place again, so I'll be sure to keep posting almost everyday. Hopefully. So. Since the last time I posted, I've begun to talk to Ben again (IKNOWRIGHT?!). It's because of the xmas concert; it was on 10th of this month and it had got us talking again. I guess it's a good thing, but it brings back everything he said and stuff making me angry and awkward when he's around. Pathetic right. Anyway. ME AND MEGAN GO SEE PARAMORE IN LIKE 4 DAYS?! Our tickets came yesterday. It's pretty exciting! I can't wait tbh. Then I have the Kerrang Relentless Tour next month with Liam and Sophie. THEN! I have GREEN DAY AGAIN JUNE! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D I've noticed I mention Green Day in EVERY post. Sad? or Dedicated? I say dedicated :)


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